什么关系?

现在的你和她到底是什么关系?
今天早上当正在犹豫要不要去找你时,我开了你的fb 户口。可是已经开不到了,我还以为是为了让她死心而换密码。难得,我开心了,你愿意和她分手,回到我身边。结果,下午又有人帮你更新status, 那个人就是她。原来密码是为了不让我开你fb户口而换的? 我才是你想放开的人? 我再次地乱想了,你曾经说过不管怎样都不会放开我,可是我很怕。也许对你来说,她更新status不算什么,可是对我来说,可以有你fb密码的人,她一定是你爱的人。我多么希望现在的你可以陪陪我,安慰我。我信息你,可是你都没回复。难道要我放弃了? 如果是,请让我知道。 我不会赖着不走。
其实,我要的很简单。我只要你回来我身边,和她画清界限,默默地等我三年。你让我有了安全感,我自然会再次相信你。如果可以,请你等我。我正在努力着把自己变得更好。如果你决定了选她,那告诉我吧。
我只想要有个从你说出口的答案。就算要我等你,我也愿意。

I thought u have changed your fb password because you want break clearly with tht girl, but unfortunately,  she still can hack into your account and update new status. For you, maybe it was nothing. But for me, if there is a people who can on or hack into your account, tht people meant everything to you. At this moment, I feel blur and sad. I feel scare again at the same time, I know, u promise me before, you wont leave me. But you change you fb password izzit becuz want let me knw tht she is ur choice? If she was your choice, I willing to leave.
Actually what I want is very easy. I just hope you will break clearly with her and always beside me. Just wait me three years, if u willing to wait for me, and I feel im being protected by you again,  I will put my trust on you again automatically. If can, I hope you can wait me. I'm trying to make myself into a better girl. If there is a days u have an answer in your mind, please tell me. I will leave if I'm ain't your answer.

纠结 Problem that I cant solve

其实你。。还爱我么? 如果我真的选择放手, 你会感到痛吗? 或者我放手了,你也不会伤心,反而还会高兴。因为在你眼中我现在只是小三,我消失了, 你就不用烦了,不是吗?有时我真的很想知道,你到底还爱我吗? 还是只是在同情我。如果不爱了,请告诉我,我会离开。如果不爱了,请不要在对我好,我很笨,我会以为你还爱着我。
最近你一直逃避我,只要我开始关心你,你就会逃跑。如果不是有需要,你都不会出现。到底是我想太多了,还是你变了?你不再喜欢我,爱我了, 你可以向我解释清楚吗? 如果你再不出现并向我解释,我以后一定会想到疯了,要不然就是我放手了。

Actually,  are u still loving me? If ome day, I really choose to give up on you, what will you feel? You will feel hurt? Or maybe u may feel happy, becuz I'm a trouble maker between u and her. If I lost from your life, you will with her forever. Without me, u will feel more happy. If there is a day which you no love me anymore, please do let me know.At least, I wont so stupid to treat u good.
This few days, you started to avoid from me, when I have start to concern about you, you will lost from your phone. You will just appear again when u needed help from me. You will keep on avoid from me, izzit because u no love me anymore? Is just I overthinking? If you still dunwan appear and explain to me, I think, I might be leaving, or else, I might be crazy because of overthinking.

害怕

昨天晚上他来找过我,可是我没有回复信息。不知道为什么我会害怕,我很害怕他会亲口告诉他喜欢的是那女孩,我和他没有机会了。因为怕,所以只好一直逃避他。 为什么我这么胆小? 难道面对他有这么难吗? 其实我很爱他,可是他不爱我了。他爱的是另一个女孩,应该是很爱,很喜欢那个女孩。要不然也不会为了忍让那女孩,忍到现在。现在的他对着我,一下子就发脾气,好像我做错什么东西。我想知道,你对她也会发脾气吗?你会骂她,对她大声吗? 你应该不会这样吧。 那我对你来说算什么?你从来都不会骂我,对我大声,难道现在对你来说我不重要了?我现在只是你的 一个普通朋友吗?如果从今天开始,我在你生活里失踪了,你还会来找我吗? 我希望你会一个地方一个地方地去找。 我很想知道,在你心理我还是那么重要吗? 我很爱你,可是如果你对我没有感觉了,我会收回对你的爱。 我会放手,不再打扰你。不管多难,只要你喜欢的是她,我就会放手,虽然心会很痛,可是我也会放手,让你和她在一起。为了让你开心,你要我放手成全你们我也愿意。因为 放手也是对你的另一种爱。希望她是真真地喜欢你。

累

这几天想了想,终于感觉到累了。我不想在斗了。我想要放弃了,我曾经很喜欢你。不知不觉,由喜欢变成了爱。爱你,爱得我好累。我给了你很多次的机会,可是你把它当着理所当然的。我只能说,我很累。你跟以往已经不在一样,你已经不再是那个我曾经认识的人。谢谢你曾经带给我的快乐,谢谢你陪我一起在走过一些愉快或不愉快的路。我曾经说过会等你,可是我不懂你会不会回来。我也不知道未来会发生什么事,我只能说,让这段情一切随缘。我们的遇见是一个缘分的开始,就让缘分去决定我们未来的路。我能做的我已经做了,可是你还是守在她身旁。 我还能怎样呢?
也许,我应该要慢慢地把你从我的心里搬出来,慢慢地把你淡忘。把心打开,让每个人拥有住进去的机会。如果命中注定我们以后还会一起,我们就从陌生人开始,一步一步地走,慢慢地再次认识对方,走向未来。相反的,如果我们注定分开,我会让另一个他走进我心里,让他好好地保护我,疼爱我。然后把你给忘了。
缘分让我们认识,让我们开始这段感情,就让它去决定我们未来的路。我相信如果我们有缘有份,我们还会再引起。可是如果注定我们有缘无份,不能走在一起,它会准备另一个更好的男人,让他保护我,疼爱我一辈子。
所以,一切就靠缘分吧!我的心到最后住着的会是谁,我也不懂,可能是你,也可能是另一个人。所以,我不会再为了你去拒绝任何一个人,不会在让你一直住在我的心里。我只能说,我们让天决定吧!

祝你,永远幸福

雨天的早晨

今天早上下了一场很大的雨, 我又想起你了。 明明说了想要放弃, 可是为什么脑里却一直有你? 以前你曾经说过, 要是一起出去, 我们遇到了什么危险的事, 你要我先逃跑。你说不管你发生什么事, 都要我安全地逃走。 那时的我不答应, 你很生气。 你说宁愿自己有事,也不要我发生任何的事。 因为如果我受伤或发生了什么事, 你会很自责, 你会觉得很对不起我,很对不起我的家人,因为保护不了我。 那时的我觉得我找到了, 我找到一个可以让我依靠, 保护我,照顾我的人。 可是,现在的你对我不闻不问, 和那时的你很不同。 我一直都在努力地挽回你,可是你呢? 我一直都在等,可是你从没回头看过我。 难道,真的要我放弃了,你才会觉悟?
I think of you again in this early rainy morning. I have choose to give up yesterday, but why, my brain can't stop for thinking about you? Last time, when we are chatting, u told me something. U want me to promise, if there is something happen when we go somewhere, you will want me leave first. It is because you don't want anything happen to me, you want me leave, so you can prevent me from getting any injured of accident. That time, I refuse to promise with you, you was angry with me, you told me, if I didnt leave and I get injured, u will feel very sorry to urself and my family, because you as a man, you can't even protect me. I feel very happy,  because I have found a guy which can always hold me, protect me, or care about me. But now,  u treat me lika a stranger,it was so different with what you told me last time.  I have did so many thing to get you back, but have you think of coming back? I have been waiting at the same places, but unfortunately,  you not even turn around and look and me. If, I really give up on you, what you will feel?

Movie day

Went and watch The Conjuring yesterday, I did it, I finish the whole movie in cinema. I feel so suprise with myself, because, I know I'm not a brave girl,  I not even dare to watch any horror movie since I was small. But this time, I did it. I can't denied tht I'm scare when I was inside cinema, but I forcing myself to watch this movie. I want to let people know, im a brave girl, I dare to face anything by myself. But, after finish that movie, I still hope, he will sit beside me and give me a big hug while telling it all was just a movie. Yes, this is what he did to me last time when i feel scare after watching movie. But, he will do that to me again? I really hope he will do that to me again. I miss him! But he will still miss me?

昨天去看了鬼片, the conjuring,我做到了,我看完了整套戏。顿时的我觉得自己很厉害, 因为从以前到现在我就是一个胆小鬼,我从来都不看鬼片,因为我知道我看了会一直回想起那些故事。可是这次,我居然看了。当我在电影院的时候我很怕,可是我不断的逼自己,一定要把它看完,就算你不再我身边,我也要把它看完。我要身边的人都知道,我是一个勇敢的女生,我可以一个人去面对所有的事情。当看完了整套故事,我还是希望他会在我身边,紧紧地抱住我,并告诉我,安慰我说,一切都是假的。就好像以前我们一起去看电影,你看到我不停地被吓到,把我抱紧,然后不停地安慰我。我一直都希望他会再一次地在我身旁,陪伴我,安慰我。我很想念他。可是他会想念我吗?

What are u thinking right now?

I always wonder, what are you thinking right now. How good if I can read your mind. If I could read your mind, I will know, I should stay or should walk away from your life. I scare to do any decision, because leaving you is my final decision, I will never back to you. Even one day, you might find me back and tell me, you have regret. But, once I choose to give up on you, I will never back to you. If, you already have a plan to be together with other girl,  dun give me any hope. I hope, u wont lie to me again. I hardly believe in people, but once I choose to believe in you, I reallg meant it. So, pls, dun give me any fake hope and lie to me again if u dun have any plan to stay forever with me. Because I'm a stupid girl, I will still believe in you even I know, you might be lie to me again.
如果可以,我多么想住在你心里。因为这样我就可以读懂你的心。读懂了就可以知道,我应该继续等下去,还是狠下心地离你而去。过了这么久,我还不敢做任何决定,因为我知道,如果我选择了放下,你不会再有机会回来。不管以后你再带着后悔的心再来向我忏悔,我都不会再让你回来。如果,现在的你已经计划好要跟另一个人过一辈子,不要在给我任何的假希望。我不希望你会再次欺骗我。我是个很难信任别人的人,如果我说我相信你,我绝对是百分之百地相信。所以我想说,如果可以,不要再滥用我对你的信任。如果你的选择不再是我,不要再让我有任何地假希望。我很傻,就算直觉告诉我,你在欺骗我,可是我还是会相信。