雨天的早晨

今天早上下了一场很大的雨, 我又想起你了。 明明说了想要放弃, 可是为什么脑里却一直有你? 以前你曾经说过, 要是一起出去, 我们遇到了什么危险的事, 你要我先逃跑。你说不管你发生什么事, 都要我安全地逃走。 那时的我不答应, 你很生气。 你说宁愿自己有事,也不要我发生任何的事。 因为如果我受伤或发生了什么事, 你会很自责, 你会觉得很对不起我,很对不起我的家人,因为保护不了我。 那时的我觉得我找到了, 我找到一个可以让我依靠, 保护我,照顾我的人。 可是,现在的你对我不闻不问, 和那时的你很不同。 我一直都在努力地挽回你,可是你呢? 我一直都在等,可是你从没回头看过我。 难道,真的要我放弃了,你才会觉悟?
I think of you again in this early rainy morning. I have choose to give up yesterday, but why, my brain can't stop for thinking about you? Last time, when we are chatting, u told me something. U want me to promise, if there is something happen when we go somewhere, you will want me leave first. It is because you don't want anything happen to me, you want me leave, so you can prevent me from getting any injured of accident. That time, I refuse to promise with you, you was angry with me, you told me, if I didnt leave and I get injured, u will feel very sorry to urself and my family, because you as a man, you can't even protect me. I feel very happy,  because I have found a guy which can always hold me, protect me, or care about me. But now,  u treat me lika a stranger,it was so different with what you told me last time.  I have did so many thing to get you back, but have you think of coming back? I have been waiting at the same places, but unfortunately,  you not even turn around and look and me. If, I really give up on you, what you will feel?

Movie day

Went and watch The Conjuring yesterday, I did it, I finish the whole movie in cinema. I feel so suprise with myself, because, I know I'm not a brave girl,  I not even dare to watch any horror movie since I was small. But this time, I did it. I can't denied tht I'm scare when I was inside cinema, but I forcing myself to watch this movie. I want to let people know, im a brave girl, I dare to face anything by myself. But, after finish that movie, I still hope, he will sit beside me and give me a big hug while telling it all was just a movie. Yes, this is what he did to me last time when i feel scare after watching movie. But, he will do that to me again? I really hope he will do that to me again. I miss him! But he will still miss me?

昨天去看了鬼片, the conjuring,我做到了,我看完了整套戏。顿时的我觉得自己很厉害, 因为从以前到现在我就是一个胆小鬼,我从来都不看鬼片,因为我知道我看了会一直回想起那些故事。可是这次,我居然看了。当我在电影院的时候我很怕,可是我不断的逼自己,一定要把它看完,就算你不再我身边,我也要把它看完。我要身边的人都知道,我是一个勇敢的女生,我可以一个人去面对所有的事情。当看完了整套故事,我还是希望他会在我身边,紧紧地抱住我,并告诉我,安慰我说,一切都是假的。就好像以前我们一起去看电影,你看到我不停地被吓到,把我抱紧,然后不停地安慰我。我一直都希望他会再一次地在我身旁,陪伴我,安慰我。我很想念他。可是他会想念我吗?

What are u thinking right now?

I always wonder, what are you thinking right now. How good if I can read your mind. If I could read your mind, I will know, I should stay or should walk away from your life. I scare to do any decision, because leaving you is my final decision, I will never back to you. Even one day, you might find me back and tell me, you have regret. But, once I choose to give up on you, I will never back to you. If, you already have a plan to be together with other girl,  dun give me any hope. I hope, u wont lie to me again. I hardly believe in people, but once I choose to believe in you, I reallg meant it. So, pls, dun give me any fake hope and lie to me again if u dun have any plan to stay forever with me. Because I'm a stupid girl, I will still believe in you even I know, you might be lie to me again.
如果可以,我多么想住在你心里。因为这样我就可以读懂你的心。读懂了就可以知道,我应该继续等下去,还是狠下心地离你而去。过了这么久,我还不敢做任何决定,因为我知道,如果我选择了放下,你不会再有机会回来。不管以后你再带着后悔的心再来向我忏悔,我都不会再让你回来。如果,现在的你已经计划好要跟另一个人过一辈子,不要在给我任何的假希望。我不希望你会再次欺骗我。我是个很难信任别人的人,如果我说我相信你,我绝对是百分之百地相信。所以我想说,如果可以,不要再滥用我对你的信任。如果你的选择不再是我,不要再让我有任何地假希望。我很傻,就算直觉告诉我,你在欺骗我,可是我还是会相信。

如果可以,我想投降了

天,如果可以,我想投降了。我不想再和你斗了,我很累,我不想再失去任何东西。可是,我只要我身边的人一切顺利,不管是家人,朋友或者是他。最近发生了一些事,我什么都帮不上,我觉得我很笨,什么都做不到。我看见他为了解决一些事,对别人低声下气,我很心痛。自从认识他以后,我答应过自己,不会让他向身边的人低声下气。所以不管发生什么事,我都要在他身边,因为我不想他走错路。我不想看到他一副后悔的样子,我不想看到他为了收拾残局的狼狈样。 在我心里,他永远是最好的,不管他做了什么事,他永远都是第一。可是因为我,他走错了路,现在正在补救着,而我却帮不上什么忙。我要的东西其实很简单,我只要他快乐。为什么,上天要让他这样? 难道他这样,我会好过吗? 只要这一关他可以安然渡过,就算要我离开他,我也愿意。 我不要他跟我一样倒霉,我已经倒霉一年了,我不要拖累任何人,尤其是他。如果我向上天投降了,他可以安然渡过,他可以像以前一样,那我,愿意投降。我认输了。

Dear god, can you give him a happy life? I'm ain't a greedy girl, I just want he happy. But why, it was so hard? Now, I'm here to surrender. I'm a loser. I wont challenge you anymore. But can you let him overcome all those problem that he face? If I surrender will make you happy, I'm here to do so. Im tired, I wont fight with you. I just hope, he will be okay.

如果。。

最近,你发生了很多事,我觉得一切都是我的错。如果,当初不是为了不让你难做,就不会答应和你暂时分开。如果不是因为和你分开了,不想打扰你,就不会不再去关心你。如果不是不去关心,对你的事一切没不关心,你就不会做错事。为什么当初要把你放下?为什么很怕你出事,还不要厚脸皮地去关心你? 如果当初不答应你的要求,我们就不会走到这样。如果时间能够从来,我不会在答应你的要求,不会再放开你,不会在让你做错事。可是,一切都太迟了,我帮不到你。我很怕,我会再次失去你,永远地失去你。我不要你发生什么事,可是我什么都做不到。我没有能力去帮你。如果有人可以帮到你,不管条件是什么,我都会答应。就算要我失去你,我也会答应。可是,我真的不知道现在应该做些什么。为什么这次的我,什么方法都没有了?我们能一起解决这个问题吗?
If, that day I didn't agreed to break up with you, I think, you wont make this silly mistakes.  All also because of me, why? Why this all thing can happen? I shouldn't agree to break up. I hate myself, if that time I keep on concern about you, this thing wont happen. Yes, I scare, you will make mistakes when I'm not beside you, but yet, I just stand aside. Because I thought, she will help you, I'm not needed anymore. But, I have make a wrong decision. I feel very  sorry to you, if not because I being so selfish,  all this stuff wouldn't happen. What should  I do now ? I dunno what should I do to pull you out from this all problem. I dunwan to lose you in my life again, but useless me cant do anything for you.  I dunwan to lose you, I scare to lose you. But, what can I do now?? Can we overcome it?

Keep on waiting

After finish my job, the first thing I did was on back my phone data. I always hope, I will receieve message from you immediately after the phone data is on. But, god always have another plan for me. I didnt receive any messages from you, you didn't come and find me. Even I know, the chances to receive your message was just 1%, but I still wait. No matter how busy am I, I will still holding my phone, because my heart keep telling me that you will find me. Unfortunately,  my heart always give me wrong information. I feel upset. I want back the life that we use to have. I want to chat with you, but I got no reason to find you. So wht can I do was just waiting.
每天收工了之后会做的是就是把手机的网络开回, 再查看有没有你的短信。每开一次,就会希望有你的短信。哪怕只是一个字,我想我也会很高兴。可是,事情并没想像中完美,我连一封短信都没收到。虽然我知道,你会发短信给我的机会是万分之一,可是我还是要等。无论我有多忙, 我也不会放开我的电话,因为直觉告诉我,你会来找我。很不幸的,它给了我错的答案。我很不开心。我要的是像以往一样的生活。我想找你,可是好像连找你的理由也没有,我不敢去打扰你。每天只能做的事就是等。

Believe

What is the word believe stand for? I just want you to believe me, trust me. Why is it so hard? Maybe, for you..I'm not that good, I always break promise. But this time, I really need your trust toward me. I want you trust everything I said. After those thing happened,  I have grown up. I'm not that little girl that always break promise, I have change myself to a better me. Because I really regret, I dunwan anything bad happen between us anymore. I have correct my mistakes, but, I dunno, u will take the risk to trust me again or not. Am I worth for you to believe in me? Or maybe, u have already give up on me earlier. I dunno what will happen between us in the future. But if god let us have the scond chance to get back together, will you believe in me again?
什么是相信? 我只是要你相信我,这很难吗?可能吧。。我并没那么好,好的可以让你信任我,因为过去的我曾经违背了我们之间的诺言。可是这次,我是真心地想得到你的信任。人是会长大的,发生了一些事后,我长大了。我不再是个违背诺言,违背承诺的人,我在那件事后成长了,我把自己变得更好。当一个人真正后悔了,自然会改变。因为我不想要因为一样的错误而再破坏我们之间的关系。我错的地方我改了,可是我不知道,你还会不会去冒这个险去相信我。我还值得你去相信吗?或许,你早已放弃我了。我不懂未来的我们会怎样。可是,如果有一天上天再次安排我们在一起,你会在选择相信我吗?