如果。。

最近,你发生了很多事,我觉得一切都是我的错。如果,当初不是为了不让你难做,就不会答应和你暂时分开。如果不是因为和你分开了,不想打扰你,就不会不再去关心你。如果不是不去关心,对你的事一切没不关心,你就不会做错事。为什么当初要把你放下?为什么很怕你出事,还不要厚脸皮地去关心你? 如果当初不答应你的要求,我们就不会走到这样。如果时间能够从来,我不会在答应你的要求,不会再放开你,不会在让你做错事。可是,一切都太迟了,我帮不到你。我很怕,我会再次失去你,永远地失去你。我不要你发生什么事,可是我什么都做不到。我没有能力去帮你。如果有人可以帮到你,不管条件是什么,我都会答应。就算要我失去你,我也会答应。可是,我真的不知道现在应该做些什么。为什么这次的我,什么方法都没有了?我们能一起解决这个问题吗?
If, that day I didn't agreed to break up with you, I think, you wont make this silly mistakes.  All also because of me, why? Why this all thing can happen? I shouldn't agree to break up. I hate myself, if that time I keep on concern about you, this thing wont happen. Yes, I scare, you will make mistakes when I'm not beside you, but yet, I just stand aside. Because I thought, she will help you, I'm not needed anymore. But, I have make a wrong decision. I feel very  sorry to you, if not because I being so selfish,  all this stuff wouldn't happen. What should  I do now ? I dunno what should I do to pull you out from this all problem. I dunwan to lose you in my life again, but useless me cant do anything for you.  I dunwan to lose you, I scare to lose you. But, what can I do now?? Can we overcome it?

Keep on waiting

After finish my job, the first thing I did was on back my phone data. I always hope, I will receieve message from you immediately after the phone data is on. But, god always have another plan for me. I didnt receive any messages from you, you didn't come and find me. Even I know, the chances to receive your message was just 1%, but I still wait. No matter how busy am I, I will still holding my phone, because my heart keep telling me that you will find me. Unfortunately,  my heart always give me wrong information. I feel upset. I want back the life that we use to have. I want to chat with you, but I got no reason to find you. So wht can I do was just waiting.
每天收工了之后会做的是就是把手机的网络开回, 再查看有没有你的短信。每开一次,就会希望有你的短信。哪怕只是一个字,我想我也会很高兴。可是,事情并没想像中完美,我连一封短信都没收到。虽然我知道,你会发短信给我的机会是万分之一,可是我还是要等。无论我有多忙, 我也不会放开我的电话,因为直觉告诉我,你会来找我。很不幸的,它给了我错的答案。我很不开心。我要的是像以往一样的生活。我想找你,可是好像连找你的理由也没有,我不敢去打扰你。每天只能做的事就是等。

Believe

What is the word believe stand for? I just want you to believe me, trust me. Why is it so hard? Maybe, for you..I'm not that good, I always break promise. But this time, I really need your trust toward me. I want you trust everything I said. After those thing happened,  I have grown up. I'm not that little girl that always break promise, I have change myself to a better me. Because I really regret, I dunwan anything bad happen between us anymore. I have correct my mistakes, but, I dunno, u will take the risk to trust me again or not. Am I worth for you to believe in me? Or maybe, u have already give up on me earlier. I dunno what will happen between us in the future. But if god let us have the scond chance to get back together, will you believe in me again?
什么是相信? 我只是要你相信我,这很难吗?可能吧。。我并没那么好,好的可以让你信任我,因为过去的我曾经违背了我们之间的诺言。可是这次,我是真心地想得到你的信任。人是会长大的,发生了一些事后,我长大了。我不再是个违背诺言,违背承诺的人,我在那件事后成长了,我把自己变得更好。当一个人真正后悔了,自然会改变。因为我不想要因为一样的错误而再破坏我们之间的关系。我错的地方我改了,可是我不知道,你还会不会去冒这个险去相信我。我还值得你去相信吗?或许,你早已放弃我了。我不懂未来的我们会怎样。可是,如果有一天上天再次安排我们在一起,你会在选择相信我吗?

I promise..

我曾经。。
答应自己,不再去想你。
答应自己,不要在哭泣。
答应自己,不要在理你。
答应自己,不会在关心你。
答应自己,要笑着面对。
答应自己,要忘掉你。
答应自己,要忘掉以往的一切。
可是为什么,我答应了自己的事,到现在还做不到?
不管你对我做了什么事,只要你有事,我一定会帮你。
明明说好了,不再想你,不再为你哭泣,不再理你,不再关心你,可是, 我却心软了。

I have promised myself so many thing, but I break the promise once you came and find me.
I know, you hurt me alot, but why, I still missing you?
Why am I so stupid?  All also because I still loving you.

Dear god...

Dear god,
What you want from me? What you want me to do? What is the message you trying to bring to me? Im tired of all those challenge u gave to me. Can I just give up? If I give up in this challenge, will you promise to give me back my belongings? To me, they are so precious. I love them, I want them. I cant afford the pain of losing them. I want them to come into my life and wont leave me again. But why is it so hard? Is it because I not good enough to have it? I beg u, dun take back all those thing from me. Once u have sent those present to me, they are belongs to mine. You got no right to take them back. I just a human being who deserve for a normal life. Please, dun be so cruel to me.
致上帝,
其实,您要的是什么? 您要我如何继续走下去? 您做的一切是为了什么? 是要让我明白些什么? 我只想告诉您,我累了。你所给的挑战太大了,我并没你想向的那么强大。我可以放弃,认输吗? 如果我认输了,属于我的一切可以麻烦您还回给我吗? 对我来说,他们都是很重要的东西。我爱他们,我要他们。我想我应该再也不能承受起失去他们的那种痛。我要他们再次出现在我的生活里,然后永远都不会在离开我。可是为什么这一切都那么地难?是不是因为我不配拥有? 我求您,不要把原本属于我的东西一样一样地从我身边拿走。当你决定把他们送给我的时候,他们就已经属于我。送出去的礼物就不可以再收回,您也没权利收回。我要的不多,我只想要过个平凡的日子。如果可以,不要对我那么残忍。

We are friend? Stranger? Or dun have any relation?

Are we friend? Or just a stranger? Maybe, you have forget about me since the day u leave me. But I'm the stubborn one which still keep my promise that I have make. I still believe that you will back to me one day. However, I still scare. I scare I will lose you for second time again. I very blur about our relation right now. Sometime you will still care me like I'm still yours. But sometime u will treat me like a stranger. I dunno what I should do, can I care and treat you like my own boy? Or maybe I need to stay away from you? Can anyone told me about that? So that I wont make any mistake. I dunno what I should do right now. I hope, you will come and tell me tht I should treat you like my own boy.
其实现在的我们是什么关系? 朋友? 还是只是陌生人? 也许打从那天起,你就已经 把我给忘了。只留下固执的我在原地呆呆地等着你,完成着当初对你许下的承诺。无论如何,我还是相信你还会再一次地回到我身边。可是我很怕,我害怕有一天你会再次离我而去。我们之间现在到底是什么关系? 我应该在像以前一样去关心,并照顾你? 还是把你当成陌生人, 对你的事一律不闻不问? 我很混乱,脑袋一片空白。我希望你会告诉我,要我以女朋友的身份去关心,去照顾你

Life °•°

Finally, I have make a final decision. Certain people might think that  decision making is a simple task, but in real life it was so hard. It is because a good decision may bring you to a brighter future. I hope I have make a correct one because God will never give us second chance to re- think about the decision that we have make. So,  I wont allowed myself to fall down. This is the the decision that I have make, no matter what will happen, I will never give up easily. Yes, people might said I have change alot, i have become more independence. But don't ever forget there is always  some reason for me to do so.  Because of this all things which had happened I told myself to be more tough because I still have a long journey to go.The journey toward my future might be hard, but I will walk slowly and carefully. Walk alone even will be more better, because no one will  harm or hurt you.

今天,我终于做了最后的决定。我定下了接下去我应该走的路。其实每个人都觉得要决定一件事情并不难,可是在现实生活里,这一切刚好相反。 一个好的决定将会给你带来好的未来;反之,不好的决定将会影响你的一身。我只希望这将会是个对的选择,对的决定,因为上天公平地对待每一个人,他只给每个人一次的机会,会不会把握就靠自己了。他不会偏帮任何人,他也不会因为你后悔了,想要在从新决定或选择而给你另一个机会。所以我不会再让自己做错任何的错,也不会让自己跌倒。不管未来的路多么的困难,我还是会继续走下去,我不会怨任何人,因为这一切都是我自己的选择。可能从前认识我的人都会觉得我变了,可是请记得,每个人会去改变是有一定的原因的。我遇到的足以让我去学会成长。就算未来的路不好走,可是我还是会一个人把它走完。一个人走总比到后来再次被人伤害来的好。